I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
