her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
