ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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