Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
