We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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