My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
