Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
