just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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