Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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