he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
