So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
