So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
