So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
