i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it because I queefed?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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