Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
