woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
