So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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