i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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