I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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