My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
