Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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