I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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