your parents love me but you hate me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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