new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
