Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize