The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just pee around me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
