just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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