Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
