I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
