i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
