went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
