im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?