If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.