Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
then he tried to convert me to islam
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?