You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again