rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.