8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
