Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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