That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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