There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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