I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
