I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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