i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
