i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
