No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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