Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
