I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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