T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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