For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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