I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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