it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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