her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
