I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
