i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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