...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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