don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
