I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life is so much better after having sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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