So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
