I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
