btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
