Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds