Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.