I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....