Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high