I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.