It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.