My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
