I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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