You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
