apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
