I think I won the penis lottery.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
