I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
