Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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