My Higher Power is John Stamos
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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