Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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