at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
